frayed edges

It might be tacky to post something sweet my husband wrote about me...but it is about Gili too...and it is just too incredibly beautiful not to share. Gili and I are the luckiest women on earth to have him be the man that takes care of us... 

My wife steps in night after night and fills the gaping hole left in baby girls heart that was there for the first 17 months of her life...lays her down, talks softly and sings gently to her. It's a gift that mothers have and I don't understand the patience and endurance necessary for it. Most nights I pray for the crying to stop and a quick and uneventful bedtime routine, but tonight was different. Tonight I prayed for connection and mending. Connection of two hearts like two frayed edges of different ropes...one left ragged by a mother's leaving, the other unraveled by years of longing and disappointment. I prayed that somehow, some way those two edges of rope would connect and weave together healed and complete. In the physical realm it seems nearly impossible, but I am not praying for physical things. I am praying for deep and spiritual and supernatural things. I know they are coming and I know it will be amazing to witness. Lord let it be now.

Gili Noel Kuert

The wait is over. She is here in our home, in her bed, in our arms...and our hearts are overflowing with joy and peace. The process of adoption is long, grueling and eventually incredibly rewarding. We have finally reached the end of the process, and at the same time reached the beginning of our new lives - together. A family of three. We could not be happier to introduce you in pictures to our beautiful baby girl, Gili Noel Kuert.

Your prayers and support have been a sustaining factor throughout this process.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's a Baby Shower!

After so many years of waiting to become a mother, it comes without saying that a baby shower in my honor was absolutely a dream come true. My mom and Monica (sister-in-law) put together the sweetest day, down to every little detail (see pics below)! Home made food, adorable decorations, extremely thoughtful prayers, poems and devotions shared...I am one blessed lady! And we had a room full of friends and family to help us celebrate Gili! It was an incredible day!

Finally!

Psalm 27:14 is a promise we have hung on to for so long. It says "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." We certainly have been waiting...some days we were strong, and others we fell on our faces in despair. But one thing we always knew in our hearts...this day would come. And it is here now. 

Friends, we are beyond thrilled to tell you that at least one of our long awaited dreams is going to be fulfilled this year. We have been matched with a beautiful little girl from China! 

We chose a Hebrew name that means "my joy", "happiness"....it seemed perfectly fitting. She will be called GILI NOEL KUERT. (Pronounced Gil'-ee, rhymes with silly) And she has already captured our hearts from just a couple photos. She was born on February 8, 2012, so is now just over one year old. She currently weighs about 16 lbs, and is about 66.5 cm tall. She is beautiful.

Roughly 3-4 months from now, we should be able to pick her up. What a day that will be! 

We can't express how much your prayers and support have meant to us on this adoption journey. And it is hard to even convey our excitement, but we know that you are all right there with us! We love you all so much. 

Kuert Adoption Update - Jan 2013

January 2013 marks the 30th month of our adoption journey. We are weary, but still hopeful. We wanted to let everyone know what has been going on, since so many of you have supported this adventure through your prayers and financial blessings. We are so grateful for all of you – our little girl is already blessed with love from hundreds of people!  

On March 31, 2012, we were officially ‘Logged In’. In adoption terms, this means that we had finally been added to the list of parents waiting to be matched with their children. Once you are logged in, you have the potential of receiving a match every month when the new list of available kids comes out. Our agency does the matching, and presents us with a child that matches our age & gender criteria. So…we were finally in the mix to receive a match once they found one. 

Ironically, something else interesting happened on March 31, that would turn our worlds upside down. We ran into some American friends of ours who live in Kunming, who had been fostering a little girl since she was two months old, and was now 18 months old. We had met this sweet girl on a few occasions, and discussed the possibility of adopting her with the foster parents. They were always very encouraging and hopeful that we would consider adopting her. The only reason we hadn't pursued her earlier is because we all thought she would be adopted really quickly, well before we even got logged in. However, after we chatted with her foster mom on March 31, and realized that she had still not been adopted, we walked away with an unexplainable confidence that God had orchestrated this scenario, and she would be our daughter. I can’t explain how certain we felt that this was right and that God had given us a miraculous gift. For the next 6 months, we told our agency to stop looking for matches for us, and to help us try to adopt this specific girl. Technically, you are unable to ‘choose’ your adopted child in this way, but sometimes agencies can make things work…and we just always believed it would. What we would come to learn is that this adoption process is even more unpredictable, painful and draining that we could ever know. 

From April to October of 2012, we brought this sweet angel into our home every week and began to love her as if she would be our child. Because there was never any guarantee that we would be able to adopt her, she continued to live with the foster family that had raised her, while we made frequent visits and took care of her often. There was no controlling the depth of love that we grew for her, and still have today. It was something we had never experienced and we let our hearts go for her – certain that one day she would be ours. 

Like I said above though…this adoption system can be extremely unpredictable and extremely painful. During the months that we built a relationship with her and grew a love for her, we worked closely with our agency to do every possible legal thing we could do to make this work. It was grueling. In the end, through dozens of circumstances that were just completely out of our control, we were told that it was impossible for us to adopt her, and she was matched with another family. Hearing this news was easily the most heartbreaking day that we have ever experienced. It felt as if we finally had a daughter, and she was taken right out of our hands. We questioned if we had truly heard from God, or if our hearts had just fallen too far in love too fast. Whatever it was, it hurt like nothing else. We were completely broken and at a loss for hope. God has begun to mend our hearts, but there is still a deep wound from our loss. We believe that we are part of her story, of her life…if even to just pray for her forever. 

In late October 2012, we told our agency they could once again be looking for ‘matches’ for us when the monthly lists come out. And that is where we currently are in our process…waiting for that ‘match’ that fits perfectly into our family. We know she is out there somewhere, and we know we have lots of love to give her. We never expected our journey to look like this, but we believe that God still has a beautiful ending for us, that includes a precious daughter from China. Please continue to pray for us, and for the little girl that will one day become ours. 

We have seen support for this adoption come in so many ways, and from so many people – it really has blessed us. We wanted to share this with you so that you can continue on this journey with us. Someday soon we will get the glorious news that we have a daughter – and we can hardly wait to share that with all of you!

finding the beauty

Sometimes I just need to remind myself of the beauty around us here...so today I want to give you a glimpse of some of the lovely and interesting things in our world here that make it so special to us.

water and wood

There are many things to love about living in China...one of those things is not traffic. I woke up the other day to a slighly louder than normal traffic buzz rising from the streets below. As I looked out the window, I saw 6 lanes of cars on a road built for 4 and various "flash" parking lots all along the route. The funny thing is, this was a bit louder than normal, but actually not all that bad of a situation. I've seen and experienced much worse. How much worse? Worse enough to have blurted out, "not on my watch" to a car trying to cut into my lane. Worse enough to have delivered numerous stink eyes and extended horn blasts on a 5 minute trip to the store. Worse enough to have entertained the thought, if ever so momentarily, of kicking a car. (Dan S and Dave J, my apologies for ever having judged you.) In all seriousness though, traffic has taught me something valuable about how our radically different cultures face the everyday annoyances of life, be they on the road or anywhere else. Another friend explained it simply as the difference between water and wood. Our Chinese friends flow like water deftly maneuvering around these obstacles without a second thought. They weave a way through even if it does seem a little unorthodox and takes them a little out of their way. We westerners cry foul and protest as we crash head-on into these situations demanding justice, a word which by the way can sometimes be used to make getting our own way sound a bit more noble. For us, in the end, either the obstacle is broken, or we are. Meanwhile, our Chinese friends are rounding the next bend.

A Better Future for Xiao Ling

Some of you have heard us talk about Xiao Ling in the past. Her mother owns a brothel in the countryside, and rather than make her daughter work in her own brothel when she turned 16, she sent Xiao Ling to our city to work at her aunt’s brothel instead. Because of Eden’s relationship with the aunt, she asked us to take Xiao Ling into our shelter and have her work at Eden instead of getting into prostitution. 

We have always been thankful that God spared this young girl from ever having to get into the hopeles life of prostitution. Since moving into our shelter, Xiao Ling has been enrolled in high school, has become a Christian and is doing amazingly well. She recently returned from a YWAM Discipleship Training School for high school students that took place in the Philippines, and she now wants to return there as a missionary some day! In addition, she is taking extra English classes at a local school here in town, and has been sharing her faith boldly with her teacher. I actually know her teacher, and she has been sharing with me that Xiao Ling is always telling her about her faith and even giving her reading materials about the Bible. I’m amazed to watch her already sharing Christ’s light to people around her - what a blessing it has been to see God grow in her life! 

new territory

I have always loved the idea of playing guitar and leading worship. The first time I ever had the courage to get up and be a part of the worship team was thanks to my brother- in-law, Jeff, when I was a summer intern in the youth group back home. I wasn't plugged in and I was lost most of the time, but it was fun anyway. Lacking courage and opportunities, I haven't played a lot since then. Then last year, I had a similar nudge from a friend in the international fellowship here in kunming. It all started with a "Singlish Corner" at his house. About 25 Chinese college students gathered to share songs and practice English. My contribution was "Be With You" by Mr. Big (big shout-out to all of the children of the 80's). For the record, it was supposed to be cheesy. After that night, my friend asked me to play with him the next time he led worship. I was nervous for sure but also so excited and we had a great time worshipping together with our church. After that I have become more and more involved at our fellowship leading worship once a month and helping other people step out. I have also begun to learn more Chinese songs and lead our house group each friday night. I even had the opportunity last month to do a kids worship workshop at our church! I am so excited to be used in this way. I can't explain the feelings of pure joy these experiences bring me and i’m so thankful that God is giving me these opportunities. I just wanted to share this blog now to encourage you. If you feel that God has given you a desire to serve Him in some way that seems beyond reach, don't be afraid to step out and do it! Don't worry about your ability or your qualifications. He can take what you have and use it in cool ways.

Bob & Windy

If you read our April newsletter, you had the treat of seeing Bob’s miraculous testimony. (if you haven’t read it yet, you really should!) The very same day that we emailed the testimony out to hundreds of family & friends back in the US, Bob and Windy’s home was broken into here in China. We could only conclude that this was an attack from the enemy trying to steal the joy of sharing Bob’s story and the effect we knew it would have. But God takes bad, and makes it so good!

We were on the phone with Windy for a long time the night of the break-in, as she waited for the police to check the house, get things back in order, etc. She was obviously shaken. In the end, however, not one thing was taken from their home! She had computers and cameras in a locked bedroom and the thieves didn’t even get into that room. In addition, Bob and Windy prayed together for the first time that night in their living room, and decided to set up a routine of praying together from that day forward. They not only prayed for their house to be protected, but they also prayed for the thieves to come to know Jesus and to be forgiven! She texted me to say ‘Bob and i have started to pray together. We love God so much now’. We were so moved to see God bring such beauty into their lives from such a scary situation. In addition, the following Friday during our bible study, Bob declared “satan can get into our house, but he cannot get into my heart and steal my joy".

scooters and starbucks

Food options at Starbucks are generally pretty lame, but starbucks in China takes this to a whole new level...

I missed lunch today while driving around trying to figure out where in the world to register my scooter. There is a new rule as of January 15th that every scooter in Kunming MUST have a blue registration plate. Tired of living on the lam, Elissa and I decided it was time to get registered today. There is, however a problem with this mandatory new law. No one, and i do mean no one, can tell me where to get it done. I went to 4 different police stations including the traffic department headquarters with similar results. On Jinshe Street they told me to go to Beijing Street where they told me to go to Xuefu street where they told me to go to Longquan street where i knew it wasn't so i went to Dianchi street where they pointed to a sign and told me to call a phone number to find out where to go...

...which brings me back Starbucks. Frustrated and hungry, I decided that dodging jonny law isn't so bad after all. What is bad is the sandwich i just ate here...ham, blueberry jelly, cheese and some yet to be identified white strips on spongy bread. All i can say is that it was a better option than the red bean filled croissant.

Fireworks

We had the amazing opportunity once again to experience Chinese New Year here in Kunming. We love the transformation that happens in the city on the eve of the weeklong celebration.  Packed markets turn into ghost towns and crowded streets finally have a chance to breathe. The day is eerily quiet, devoid of the usual hustle and bustle as families gather to share a special meal. There is a peace that falls over the city...until dusk, that is. That's when the fireworks begin. Nothing compares to what transpires in the sky over a Chinese city on New Year's Eve.  I think I’ve finally figured out what sets this experience apart. In America, a few people "behind the scenes" are responsible to make sure the whole thing goes off well.  Everyone else finds the best spot to sit back and watch the show. In China, nobody sits in a crowd to watch and there are no bad spots.  Everybody is out on every corner adding to the spectacle with their own explosive offering. The outbursts thunder from every corner and back alley and flare up in every direction. The effect is a stunning display that lasts for hours. 

There's another scene that comes to mind with striking parallels. It happens every Sunday when a few people work desperately to create a spark, but the vast majority are sitting back watching the show. If your experience of church has become dull and dry it could be due to the fact that you have become a spectator when Christian community was meant to be so much more of a collective effort. Something amazing happens when everyone contributes and everyone is involved.  The excitement is palpable, the joy is sustainable, and the impact is impossible to ignore. 

2012 is here!

It is a new year! For Jon and I, it should be a year of huge changes, as we hope to see our adoption finalized and become parents in 2012. We have waited over five years for this blessing of seeing our family grow.

This morning when we woke up, we looked out the window of our bedroom at Jon's parents house, and saw two deer in the woods. Looking closer, it appeared to be a mother and baby deer. I think it was a little promise from God to me, and I'm holding on to it for this year ahead.

getting closer...

It seems like every day there’s a new baby belly photo posted from someone on facebook. It’s the only time that women love to document their expanding stomachs and share about their food cravings. Those nine months of intense joy, fear and excitement are a journey we have yet to experience, but our “pregnancy” road has also been crazy and wonderful in a way all its own.

My belly hasn’t bulged, but we feel like we’ve grown in so many ways through this adoption process. Our patience has been tested, our determination challenged and our faith strengthened as we’ve walked through each step. The first application we filled out was on May 10, 2010, so our “pregnancy” has already lasted over 18 months - I’m way overdue. The incredible joy we've experienced hasn't come after seeing an ultrasound but rather after successfully getting a document notarized or completing another form. We’ve felt fear as we were interviewed, and had our house tested to assess our qualifications as parents. Nursery preparation is underway, but the closet is still bare, as we don’t know her age, size or special needs yet. We’ve humbled ourselves as we invited our family and friends to help us raise the nearly $26,000 in funds needed to pay adoption fees. Morning sickness? Not so much. But, sleepless nights wondering if we forgot a signature and might have to re-submit an entire government application, has happened more than once. Our daily prayers are for her health and safety but also that she is feeling loved by the orphanage workers. We pray for her long-lost mother, who must have found herself in extreme circumstances to let go of this beautiful little girl. And we give thanks to God that we will be so blessed to love her, and become her forever family.

Our “pregnancy” has been longer, and filled with more uncertainty and unpredictability than we could have imagined. Our nine months is actually going to be over two years by the time we hold our baby in our arms. But we’ve been told that this joy we are anticipating will be more than worth the wait, and we believe that with all our hearts. We long for that day when we don’t guess at her size, dream about her face and wonder what her name should be. God has our perfect little girl already picked out for us, and we can hardly wait to give birth to our new family.

Please continue praying for the remaining months of our journey, and for our daughter as well. At this stage, we are just waiting to be matched with her, and go through the final stages of our adoption. Please prayerfully consider helping us with the last push for finances - we just need $4,255 to finish paying our fees. Finally, THANK YOU for all of your kindness, prayers and support through this adoption process. We are so incredibly blessed by all of you.

Rollin', Day 4

Looks a little unstable, but at least it would be a soft landing!

Rollin', Day 3

What's not to love about a bike full of flowers?!

Rollin', Day 2

You think you're carrying a heavy load?!

Rollin'

I decided this week that it might be fun to share some of the more interesting photos we see during our daily life here in China. You can find just about anything rolling around on wheels over here.


Seriously haven't seen one of these since I played my Huey Lewis and the News cassette tape back in 1985. Awesome.

camping in china

As hard as we've tried...we just can't seem to find that same 'out in the wilderness' feeling on our camping trips here in China. This weekend we ventured to a nearby, very large lake to try and find something simple and quiet for one night of tent living. It started with just 3 couples, but the further we drove, the more people & cars we had to stop and wait for to join our party. Our final numbers were 10 adults, 4 children, 6 tents. The drive was nice - right along the edge of the water, well maintained road, blue skies above. We dipped in and out of small villages and finally began to stop at a few spots where one of our friends had said 'he knew of the perfect spot'. Turns out, there were about 4 of these spots to choose from, none of which came close to our idea of 'perfect' camping. Jon and I like to be fully self-contained when camping - all gear fits into our backpacks, we park the car, and walk into the woods at least one hour, so we can't hear cars & don't see people. This trip was not that kind.

Each time we saw our self appointed "group leader's" car brake, we held our breath to see where he was taking us next. It was basically a series of beach-side, drive-in campgrounds that were filled with people frolicking in the water on a lovely Saturday. The kids in our party wanted to swim, so we landed on the busiest beach, chock full of people, blow-up toys and grilled Chinese meats. We parked our row of cars snugly between the road and the sand, within 6 footsteps of where we stuck our tent stakes in. All 6 tents fit neatly at the edge of the parking lot, just barely on the sand. Between honking cars, passing tractors and excited people, it was not the peaceful spot we had dreamed of. HOWEVER, when the sun went down, our crew began to trail off to bed, and we hopped into our cozy Marmot tent...all I could hear was the sound of sweet waves hitting the shore as I drifted off to sleep...and then a big truck roared by.

whirlwind

it's amazing how quickly time goes by. we looked forward with so much anticipation to coming back to visit friends and family in the U.S. and just like that, it's already coming to an end. We started off in Rochester with the Cookmans for two weeks, headed to Minneapolis to visit friends for 4 days, visited some family and the beach in Florida for another 4 days and are currently in PA maximizing our time with the Kuerts and Bogaczyks. In just a few short days, it's back to MN and then on to Kunming. We have loved every minute of our visit and will miss everyone here when we head back. however, we also miss our friends in China and look forward to getting back into the flow of life there once again.