January 2013 marks the 30th month of our adoption journey. We are weary, but still hopeful. We wanted to let everyone know what has been going on, since so many of you have supported this adventure through your prayers and financial blessings. We are so grateful for all of you – our little girl is already blessed with love from hundreds of people!
On March 31, 2012, we were officially ‘Logged In’. In adoption terms, this means that we had finally been added to the list of parents waiting to be matched with their children. Once you are logged in, you have the potential of receiving a match every month when the new list of available kids comes out. Our agency does the matching, and presents us with a child that matches our age & gender criteria. So…we were finally in the mix to receive a match once they found one.
Ironically, something else interesting happened on March 31, that would turn our worlds upside down. We ran into some American friends of ours who live in Kunming, who had been fostering a little girl since she was two months old, and was now 18 months old. We had met this sweet girl on a few occasions, and discussed the possibility of adopting her with the foster parents. They were always very encouraging and hopeful that we would consider adopting her. The only reason we hadn't pursued her earlier is because we all thought she would be adopted really quickly, well before we even got logged in. However, after we chatted with her foster mom on March 31, and realized that she had still not been adopted, we walked away with an unexplainable confidence that God had orchestrated this scenario, and she would be our daughter. I can’t explain how certain we felt that this was right and that God had given us a miraculous gift. For the next 6 months, we told our agency to stop looking for matches for us, and to help us try to adopt this specific girl. Technically, you are unable to ‘choose’ your adopted child in this way, but sometimes agencies can make things work…and we just always believed it would. What we would come to learn is that this adoption process is even more unpredictable, painful and draining that we could ever know.
From April to October of 2012, we brought this sweet angel into our home every week and began to love her as if she would be our child. Because there was never any guarantee that we would be able to adopt her, she continued to live with the foster family that had raised her, while we made frequent visits and took care of her often. There was no controlling the depth of love that we grew for her, and still have today. It was something we had never experienced and we let our hearts go for her – certain that one day she would be ours.
Like I said above though…this adoption system can be extremely unpredictable and extremely painful. During the months that we built a relationship with her and grew a love for her, we worked closely with our agency to do every possible legal thing we could do to make this work. It was grueling. In the end, through dozens of circumstances that were just completely out of our control, we were told that it was impossible for us to adopt her, and she was matched with another family. Hearing this news was easily the most heartbreaking day that we have ever experienced. It felt as if we finally had a daughter, and she was taken right out of our hands. We questioned if we had truly heard from God, or if our hearts had just fallen too far in love too fast. Whatever it was, it hurt like nothing else. We were completely broken and at a loss for hope. God has begun to mend our hearts, but there is still a deep wound from our loss. We believe that we are part of her story, of her life…if even to just pray for her forever.
In late October 2012, we told our agency they could once again be looking for ‘matches’ for us when the monthly lists come out. And that is where we currently are in our process…waiting for that ‘match’ that fits perfectly into our family. We know she is out there somewhere, and we know we have lots of love to give her. We never expected our journey to look like this, but we believe that God still has a beautiful ending for us, that includes a precious daughter from China. Please continue to pray for us, and for the little girl that will one day become ours.
We have seen support for this adoption come in so many ways, and from so many people – it really has blessed us. We wanted to share this with you so that you can continue on this journey with us. Someday soon we will get the glorious news that we have a daughter – and we can hardly wait to share that with all of you!
